Monday, November 3

surgery was a success! (but i still feel like poo...)

So today came and went. this morning at 5:30am i went into the hospital and i had my laser procedure done and a few things that i remember thinking before i got put under:

It is amazing how worked up we let ourselves get about certain things. We let our mind drift and we think about the worst of the worst. Why do we do that? It is silly, and what good does it do? This doesn't just go for going into the hospital to get "work" done, it applies to all things. We just worry and stress and get all kinds of worked up. NOT necessary.

Secondly, i realized what a lonely state all of the "prep" work made me feel. Even though there were tons of nurses, doctors, other patients, all around the Women's Ward at Centennial Hospital, walking in and out and all around the "waiting area" before the surgery ward, and even though they were all so sweet and nice and great to me, i still felt so alone. I thought, "No one that i love can be back here with me. I am laying in this bed and things are hooked up all over me, and when i go in the operating room , i technically wont even know it, and i dont want to be here. I know i NEED to be here, i know it will be better after i leave here, but i am still alone." As i was laying in my bed waiting for my doctor to come over, i started to sing. Quietly, of course, but i sang. I was so thankful for my Savior at that point, because i DID feel alone. The words of a song we sang at church yesterday popped in my head:
"How can I keep from singing Your praise? How can I ever say enough, how amazing is Your love! How can I keep from shouting Your name? I know I am loved by the King, and it makes my heart want to sing! I will lift my eyes in the darkest night, for I know my Savior lives. And I will walk with You knowing You'll see me through and sing the songs You give!" While the song goes on, this was what i reminded myself of as i was sitting in that lonely place today. (I also remembered what a beautiful sound it was to hear HUNDREDS of people singing, no shouting, this to Jesus yesterday at church. How awesome that you could tell that people wanted to shout it out! It is like they wanted to make sure that God could hear it and feel it. I know i am not the only one who had a smile all over my face when i was singing this. What comfort to my soul.)

And lastly, i realized how greatful i am to have a husband that takes care of me, loves me, love Jesus, loves to help, loves to serve. I feel so blessed to have Matt. He truly truly, strives everyday to love me like Christ loves the church. He could see all over me this morning the nervousness and scared-ness, and not excited-ness about this whole deal. When the nice man that wheeled me into the waiting room came to get me, and Matt and I started to part ways for what really was just a few moments, i started to cry. Matt is my rock. I love his heart and love how he loves me and takes care of me. I never fear when i am in his arms.

Thank all of your for your prayers. They were felt, needed, loved and used. I am grateful for you all.


Anita J. said...

Jenna, I am so glad you are home again and doing well. I love that song, and it is wonderful that God gave you such a great moment to meditate on in your time of fear.

It was a blessing to pray for you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

Emily said...

I just teared up reading's so amazing to know that in those times of feeling along we can know that we are never really alone. God's presence is as near as the mention of His name. It's so comforting for me to know that I can trust Matt to take care of you - you're my girl! Love ya!